so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
