I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
