Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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