Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
