i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
