What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
