some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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