3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
