Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
