I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just cut my nipple shaving
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
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All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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