I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
