Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
