guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You dont lie about slip and slides
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
