There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
