This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
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I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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