Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
