do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
