Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
