oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
