im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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