So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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