just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
