You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
