Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
