Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
