just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
