yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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