Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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