i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
