I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
