if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
