I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
sex in a hospital.. check
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
