Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
