We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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