pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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