So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
