I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
