I think I won the penis lottery.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize