Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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