The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
