blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We just shotgunned beers for America
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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