What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
