Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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