totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
