is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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