i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
thus making me awesome and them whores
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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