this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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