It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
