my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
