so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
