better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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