Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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