the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
