the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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