I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
