I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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