you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
