This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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