I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
