Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
