i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
