i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
