im gay
i know
yea but for you.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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