She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
