so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
