I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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