Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
