absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I met the friendliest cop last night
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
