Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
