Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
